To Bring You Up to Speed…

Saturday was spent at Tacoma’s Ethnic Fest, an excuse for sampling foods from restaurants previously unknown and browsing through merchant kiosks of cultures entirely unfamiliar.

Sunday was a surprise party for our pastor, Fr. Carmine Sacco, SJ. He was celebrating his 65th anniversary of becoming a Jesuit. No, that number is not a typo. He’s baptising the grandchildren of people he baptised…

I took this morning off work for a last meeting with Tristan’s attorney, followed by some time with Tristan to work on his statement to the court, should that be warranted. The words are his, though I did help by asking him questions and getting his thoughts put in order. Although what we wrote was very short, he could not read it aloud without tears.

Whether or not he actually reads it in court is up to his attorney.

I also wrote a statement for the court, which will be entered into the record during sentencing. I made Tristan’s attorney cry.

Statement of Thom Ryng in support of Tristan Ryng, his son

My son Tristan is an intelligent, hard-working, and artistic young man. He volunteered at the Boys and Girls Club, and he worked with the Hilltop Artists for several years. However, he’s not the sort of person who shows his feelings easily; that kind of stoicism runs in our family. Only twice since he became an adult have I seen Tristan not in control of his deepest emotions, showing the heights of love and the depths of sadness, and both were in connection with India Escobar.

The last time I saw India was the night of my wedding to Francine Mastini on January 25, 2008. The day before, India and Tristan had joined the wedding party at the rehearsal and dinner, followed by dance lessons. The wedding was a 1920s themed affair, and we all learned some dances from the era. India and Tristan picked up the steps quickly and were smiling and laughing as they showed the rest of us. They talked about taking dance lessons. On our wedding night, they danced. I have never seen Tristan happier than that night, dancing the Charleston with India. The two of them just glowed when they were with each other. Many people there remarked on it, saying what a beautiful couple they were. We were starting to get used to the idea that maybe they would be married themselves some day. This beautiful young woman made my son positively giddy, and what’s more, he seemed to have the same effect on her.

When we heard about the accident, we were absolutely devastated. Our hearts just broke, and I can only imagine the inconsolable grief that India’s family must have felt, and still feel, over her death. We wanted so much to grieve with them, to console them, but of course the circumstances of the accident made that impossible.

When I talked with Tristan about it a few days later, he broke down, sobbing. Even though he could remember very little about the accident itself, he unreservedly took responsibility for India’s death. I think at that moment he thought his life was over. He was overcome with remorse, and didn’t seem to know how he himself could go on living without her. Since then, Tristan has suffered bouts of depression and has engaged in some stupidly self-destructive behavior as part of an intensely personal grieving process. However else he is punished for his crime, he has been unmerciful with himself.

I pray every day for the soul of India Escobar, and I pray for her family. I pray they will find peace and forgiveness for my son, as I pray that Tristan will some day learn to forgive himself. Thanks to an evening of stupidity, one beautiful life, full of promise and joy, was lost; I pray that Tristan may be given the opportunity to heal his own.

Thom Ryng
Tacoma, WA
July 2009

I had planned to go into work after the meeting, but after speaking with Tristan’s attorney I decided to call in. After sitting down with Tristan, I’m a bit shattered, so this was clearly a good decision.

Blathering just a bit now, dear reader, but I hope that you will forgive me. I’m good for very little else today.

Tristan’s sentencing is on Wednesday at 3:00 PM at the Pierce County courthouse in Tacoma. It will be a melancholy affair, but please, if you wish to come out and support Tristan, please come down.